Openness

This weekend, I was blessed with an opportunity to join Kelly Lindsey and 8 others on a yoga and meditation retreat in Chappell Hill, Texas--just West of Houston.  Held at The Margaret Austin Center, a beautiful enclosure surrounded by greenery and a certain stillness, this retreat was a true refuge.

Leaving the madness of Austin City Limits behind, I embarked on my journey taking with me my massage table, meditation cushion, yoga mat and journal.  I felt layers peel off me as I got closer and closer to my destination.  And when I arrived, I was immediately at ease.  Any trace of anxiety evaporated from my being as I unloaded my car and greeted the familiar and unfamiliar faces of the retreaters.

An offering of coffee was made by the designated cooks (awesome by the way) and I felt at home immediately.  The first night was an introduction to the retreat and what was intended by it.  We each set our own intention and mine came to me quite easily.  I intended to nurture the three S's:  Silence, Stillness and Solitude---each being themes of the weekend.

In my daily life, I am busy.  There is noise surrounding me constantly in the form of chatter (both internal and external), traffic etc. and I am always moving from studio to studio, appointment to appointment and from one social engagement to the next.  I have a very busy setup, though it is doing work that is very enjoyable to me and is my heart's calling.  Not to mention, the constant draw and distraction of social media (Facebook, gmail, blogging....)

The retreat was mostly the opposite though I was working (massage) for most of it.  Even while I worked, I felt a sense of spaciousness around me...The expansiveness that I crave.  I was able to think more clearly and had a few important discoveries that I wrote down in my journal.  I discovered that I need more stillness, solitude and silence in my life and will be working to cultivate this in the coming months.

I will:
meditate more (even if it's 5 min. a day)
read silently (now I'm reading If the Buddha Dated)
Allow myself to be still and try not to feel guilty about it.

Throughout the retreat, I continued to feel pleasantly at ease--no sight of my anxiety which usually follows me around to some degree, though I'm working on it.  I think that if I can find a way to reproduce certain components of this weekend, I will have an easier time not feeling overwhelmed by everyday occurrences.

Returning to Austin illuminated new challenges as I was immediately aware of the hugeness of ACL...a big transition from the tranquility I felt at The Margaret Austin Center.  It took me a while to switch gears again but once I did, I realized that internal peace can be sought even when externally things are busy, loud or fast.

Monday morning I interviewed at Travaasa Austin, a resort 20 miles from Downtown.  The same feeling of spaciousness, stillness and tranquility washed over me...and I realized that my external world can mirror what I'm hoping to cultivate in my inner world.  On November 1, I will be on-boarded there meaning that I will be oriented to the space where I will begin teaching yoga classes.  My resume was also sent to the Spa, where I am hoping to be interviewed for a massage therapist position.  Whatever the outcome, I am sure to enjoy the journey...and am grateful to have new things illuminated.

I asked my teacher, Kelly what Tibetan word best describes this idea of spaciousness that I am trying to cultivate.  She reminded me of the concept of Shunyata or emptiness, which implies an unconditional emptiness-expansive-free.  I will keep this in mind entering what feels like a new phase in my life.

A thousand things

I am grateful for so many things right now.  Maybe a thousand.  I don't know.  But I only have time to honor a few of those things right now.

#1-I passed my state licensure exam for Massage Therapy and soon I will be able to practice on the public. (friends, family, students, strangers) and make money doing it.

#2-I have supportive people in my life who are patient with me when I lose my keys at a coffee shop that closes at 5 on Friday and doesn't open again until Monday.

#3-My family is so lovingly accepting of my sisters and me even though we are all starkly different and walk very unique paths to one another

#4-That I will be reunited with my East Coast loves very soon as we connect in a very special place again.

#5-My students/clients who teach me new things every day.

Groceries

Today after school I went to HEB (not my favorite thing to do but it's becoming more bearable).  Since the start of massage school, my diet has changed so much.  Being around such food conscious and ultimately powerful people for almost 30 hours every week gave me the push I needed to start consuming better food.  During the month of May I observed my classmates eating homemade nut butters, hummus and lots and lots of avocados (a precious commodity around Texas Healing Arts Institute).  They didn't just inspire me in what they were eating but how they were talking about food. I listened as everyone talked about how certain foods effected them in very specific ways. I heard about yeast and gluten and soy and dairy. They are highly body conscious/ food knowing folks.  I admire that.

Growing up, my family was always very healthy conscious.  We ate brown rice, fresh fish, grilled chicken, salads and low fat milk products.  We rarely ate candy and certainly didn't indulge in processed food.  I didn't fully understand the necessity of eating in this way, but was definitely an apple loving kid.  Somewhere along the way, which I'm sure happens to most of us I discovered the joys of fast food, high fat dairy products, donuts and chicken wings.  All of this food can be and is certainly delicious and I would never judge anyone for eating these things, but I took a step back and realized what this was actually doing to my body and decided to make some changes.

Change is never easy and for me food is tied up with a lot of control issues.  It is one of those things like finances that we can have tangible control over...that is, if we focus enough attention on these areas and make a concerted effort.  I personally find it boring and unsatisfying overall to put so much mind energy on these things.  I'd rather stay present with the bigger picture than resonate with my exact caloric intake during the day.  So, I have to be careful not to go crazy over the details of food plans.  So, I made it easy for myself.  I decided to cut out one thing for now and see how I felt as a result doing my best not to obsess.  I cut out gluten and feel very strongly that it was a good decision for my body.

Before this summer, I ate a lot of pasta....and I mean a lot.   And cheese and pizza, chicken wings and beer. I remember once my roommate looking at my groceries and saying, "I don't know how you do it...if I ate the food you eat, I'd be sick"  I think she was referring to the pasta, cheese and milk products.  She was right.  I was just dealing with the stomach pain and perpetual bloating...when I knew that subtracting some simple things would make a big difference.

Looking in my grocery cart today I had colorful greens like Brussels sprouts, field greens and broccoli.  5 different kinds of beans for protein, tofu, rice paper, brown eggs and corn tortillas and corn pasta to satisfy my cravings for breakfast tacos and such.  I think my new relationship with food is bound to be healthier than my extremist tendencies toward heavy dieting and on the other hand, heavy consumption.  This feels like neutral territory to me. I am using this to love my body more and give myself fuel to be the best yoga teacher and massage therapist I can be.

Metta!

AND

Check out Forks Over Knives to learn more about plant based diets:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/279734

Another post about gratitude

1) Spending quality time with loved ones including friends and my boo.
2) Getting to wake up naturally on occasion when I have no morning obligations
3) Being a self-employed young lady with the ability to make my own schedule
4) Massage school is almost over and soon I will take my exam to be licensed in the state of TX
5) Jay and I are visiting family this weekend....a nice getaway I'm sure
6) All the good food I have been eating lately (most of which gluten free) including a great meal at New India on South Congress and the many tacos I've been consuming at Cherrywood Coffeehouse
7) Strength and good health
8) The art and practice of yoga
9) That I never have to wear anything besides yoga clothes ever (except maybe to look nice on occasion)
10) Having so much love around me all the time that I will do my best not to take for granted

Gratitude

Everyday last summer, I wrote a gratitude list in my journal of all the things I felt grateful for that day.  I would do it first thing in the morning, the minute I woke up.  Even if the thing I felt grateful for was my bed or sleep or something deeper than that, I wrote it down.

This summer, I have been so so so so busy!  Every single day, it seems that I have scheduled myself down to the second with things to do, classes to teach, private students, massage internship appointments and have forgotten to set aside some down time simply to feel grateful.

Today, I got the chance to sit in stillness and beautiful things started happening.  I woke up naturally for the first time in a while (usually it is to the sound of my horribly annoying alarm clock), then I strolled into the kitchen and made breakfast (tofu sauteed with onions, pinto beans, and broccoli with corn tortillas, avocado and Mexican Salsa.) and coffee (still refuse to give it up...but I'm being gentler on myself with that one).

I sat at the table and read my horoscope for the month.  Susan Miller of Astrology Zone informed me that this month is bound to be full of opportunity, and now that Mercury is no longer in Retrograde, I don't have to worry about the strings of energy pulling at me all day long.  Things will flow with ease in the coming weeks and it won't be as much of a struggle.  Good news!  Last month was difficult in terms of communication and also with my efforts to want control.  It's time to let go now.

After reading my horoscope I went to Dharma Yoga for their 9:30 All Levels class.  It was so powerful, beautiful and exactly what I needed...as it usually is.  The teacher, Denise, was incredible.  I resist new teachers sometimes because of my own karma I guess, but it was so worth it to expand my horizons.  She asked us to envision someone or something we felt grateful for and hold them/it close to us during practice.  She told us to see them as an angel.  Doing this exercise really helped in some of the more difficult poses (and there were several).

Then, I went to Acupuncture.  I realized I had not gotten a treatment since November!  It was really lovely.  Laura Matthews at Neighborhood Acupuncture Project is the best!  When she felt my pulse, she told me that my Liver energy was stagnant.  I asked her what she meant and she told me that it could either be that my future goals were not being realized or that I was trying to control other people....yes.  Correct again.  She gave me some herbs to balance this out. 

Then I got a Thai massage.  Oh man.  That stuff is incredibly powerful. I need/want more of that in my life...maybe to learn it even!!

When it came time for me to teach Yin Yoga that night, I felt so full and grateful that I had acted so kindly toward myself the entire day. 

Here's to more days off/days where I treat myself really really well

Like Water

This week was amazing.  I learned so many things in these past few days.  I'm feeling extremely grateful for all the teaching I get to do and all the people I have the honor of meeting through my work. 

Currently, I have the priviledge of teaching two private yoga sessions each week.  When I first started teaching yoga three years ago, I was intimidated by the idea of sharing my knowledge of yoga with others especially one-on-one.  While the concept still seems scary to me, in actuality, it is one of the richest and most rewarding experience I've had so far in my journey.  It means I have to come prepared to offer guidance and hold space.  I have to reign in my spontaneous, go-with-the-flow side and create a little more structure.  It's an excercise in self-discipline and growth.

This morning, I learned that the best medicine for stiffness in the body and unwillingness to move fluidly is to prescribe movement that resembles water.  I've always been attracted to the water.  My "happy place" is a beach with no people in sight.  The water is a clear blue and the sand is nearly white.  I am alone there and completely at peace.  It is where I go in my mind when I feel anxious or overwhelmed.  My client this morning was experiencing extreme stiffness in the low back and hips.  The image of water immediately popped into my head.

Instead of focussing on alignment principles and holding a pose statically, I encouraged her to move freely.  In Kripalu Yoga, we refer to this concept at times as 'meditation in motion.'  We allow the body to move freely and with as little constriction as possible.  One example of this is incorportating Sufi Circles. Sufi Circles are torso circles with the hands on the knees while sitting in easy pose.  I like to encourage students to imagine they are surrounded by a giant tank of water while they move.  Your intuitions is your guide.

My student this morning said on several occassions:  This is exactly what my body needs.  She was referring to fluid movement.  Move like water, I told her...surround yourself with water whenever you can...go toward the fluid, avoid that which is retrictive.  I think we made some serious progress today.  Keeping this in mind, I will return my awareness to water whenever I feel the urge to control my surroundings or tighten my body when I go into protective mode.

Be. Like. Water.

Yours. Not Mine.

I taught my usual Saturday morning class at East Side Yoga today and was reminded of a very important lesson.  As a Kripalu Inspired teacher, I learned to approach the practice of yoga as compassionately and intuitively as possible.  I aim to teach in the same fashion.  This morning I had my students begin in Child's Pose, which I sometimes will do if I am sensing lower energy in the room.  There is a lot of mold or something in the air right now (I can really sense it), so I was tuned into to the fact that people might have needed a gentler start.

While in Child's Pose, I instructed my students to remain in the present moment, to leave everything at the door behind them and to relax into the space.  One of my students was having a seemingly difficult time.  She was fidgeting around a lot and even at one point lay prone on her belly.  I took this as a sign that she needed some extra guidance.  So, I intuitively walked over to her and proceeded to ask what she was struggling with.  She named some areas of discomfort and said it just wasn't comfortable anymore for her body to be in this shape.  I offered her 2 or 3 suggestions, even rolling up a blanket to place in between her knees and her calves.


While I was helping her, she said..."actually, my intention today is to do the things I can do and be ok with the things I can't."  Simply put, beautifully said.  A very important lesson for me to keep in mind.  I left her alone. I stepped aside and let her have her own experience.  I don't call my business "This is Your Yoga" for nothing.  I need to keep in mind that each student comes to class during any given moment to have an experience.  Sometimes it is appropriate for me to offer assistance, but other times it is not.

Thinking that I was doing this student a favor by offering her all these things was a misconception.  Allowing students to experience their practice as an unfolding, un-forced and totally individualized gift is something that I cannot and should not take away from them because of my own ego or my own desire to help or 'fix.'


Letting go is a theme that keeps creeping up in my life these days.  I find myself in limbo between being totally and completely spacious and allowing and being a bit ego-driven and caught up in the what ifs.  The best way to achieve inner peace is to allow.  Allow for the good, the bad and the imperfect to occur without trying to force things.  My student brought to light these important lessons for me and I will try to work on this ever present balance.

No Meat, No Wheat

Massage school really inspired me to be a bit more conscious about what I put into my body.  For the month of June, I decided to give up meat.  For many years I had been a vegetarian, which was never very difficult for me because I never craved meat too much.  However, over the past couple of years I started really wanting animal protein and thus began incorporating chicken and red meat into my diet, even occasionally eating sausage.

After working with my body very intensely for a few weeks, I started to realize that what I consumed directly correlated with my energy levels and moods during massage.  I want to have good energy and to be able to give more fully to my clients.

Cutting out meat was not hard.  I started to feel a bit lighter and more conscious about my food choices.  I couldn't just reach for the nearest thing to satiate my hunger...I had to be more creative and thoughtful about it.

This month I decided to try cutting out Gluten.  Meaning: no more bread, pasta or flour tortillas.  It actually makes the food that I eat taste better, fresher and healthier.  It is continuing to help me further my consciousness level about the foods I am consuming and also allows me to feel even lighter and with purpose.

I eat more fresh vegetables now and hummus, guacamole and sweet potatoes...Hoping to be a human being fueled by smarter and more deliberate food choices as I journey toward being completely involved in my path.

Family

Yesterday I hopped in the car and drove to Houston to visit my sweet, adorable family.  On the way over here I listened to NPR "This American Life" podcasts for hours in the car.  I laughed out loud and definitely cried hearing some of the stories. It made me want to record more stories about my own life to look back on later.  I suppose that's one great advantage of keeping up with a blog.

Houston is definitely not my favorite city in the world but nothing beats getting to spend quality time with my family.  This city is in my opinion very dull and lifeless compared to Austin where vibrant energy fills everyone and you can wear T-shirts with giant holes in them and not feel like an outcast.  In my folks' house, my heart feels really settled and protected.  I can let my guard down around these lovely people and watch mindless television.  My sister even gave me a full bottle of multi-vitamins and new deoderant that smells like baby powder.  I love getting free stuff.

Anyway, I am delighted to say that I found a Restorative Yoga Class that happens on the first Sunday of every month (that would be today) at a studio called Yoga Ananda (http://www.yogaananda.com/).  Ananda means bliss and I definitely feel blissful in their space.  I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to practice restorative yoga since I teach it and want to learn some new techniques.  Book learning only gets you so far in the yoga world. 

I am also getting the opportunity to give my middle sis a massage.  She needs it I think.  I love sharing the gift of body work with people I love.  It's like sharing a very special and beloved extension of myself and it feels so complete and whole. 

Will head back to Austin this evening to start another exciting week of Swedish massage, yoga  teaching (http://www.thisisyouryoga.com/) and hosting one of my best friends in the world coming all the way from MA.  Lots of love surrounding me and I feel so blessed.

Yoga Playlists

Many of my students have been asking me lately about the music I play during classes so I thought I would share my favorite one here...Enjoy!!:

1. Bolo Ram---Wah!
2. Perth---Bon Iver
3. Ghungate Ke--The Lucknow Project
4.  Ever Could--William Fitzsimmons
5. Mrs.--Modern Skirts
6. Bowspirit--Balmorhea
7. Never Going Back Again--Fleetwood Mac
8. Atoms for Peace (Four Tet remix)--Thom Yorke
9. Heart Skipped A Beat--The xx
10. Like Lunatics--Modern Skirts
11. Lemonade--Cocorosie
12. Kissing You--Des'Ree
13.  The Other Side of Mt. Helen--Liars
14.  Re: Stacks--Bon Iver
15.  Kind of Girl--Low
16.  Refur--Sigur Ros

Morning Yoga

Welcome to This is Your Wellness! I plan to spend Sundays blogging about my week as a free lance yoga teacher and massage therapist in the making. Today I'll share about my experiences this morning at a studio I am new at called Sacred Streams Yoga. Here is their website: http://www.sacredstreamsyoga.com/ I woke up this morning at 7 AM this morning at Jay's...pressed snooze for an hour and then my horribly annoying alarm clock beeped again waking me at 8:30. I rolled out of bed, piled into my car which still has soy sauce stains on the side from when I emptied out my avocado the other day (been craving soy on everything!!). I traveled on 183, which was surprisingly trafficky for a Sunday morning. It must have been church-goers. I forgot. Arriving at the studio around 8:45, I unlocked the door to the little house that is Sacred Streams Yoga and turned on all the lights, lowered the temp to 75 and set up the small space. My first class: Slow Flow had no attendants this morning. I must remember to not take this personally. Getting started at a new space and building up classes takes time! I despaired not but instead walked over to Genuine Joe's; a cute little coffee shop down the street. http://genuinejoecoffee.com/. I sat down with my business book and read about how to market, be a self-starter and not give into negative thinking. Thank you massage school for teaching me how to be a better entrepeneur without speaking to me like I'm a robot. After finishing my coffee and veggie chorizo breakfast taco (so Austin) I came back to the studio. 4 students came including a friend of mine. I was happy to welcome them in. Two newbies to the studio! Always a good sign. Class began with usual opening meditation. Today I taught camel pose...which is a very challenging sometimes edgy pose to experience. Camel looks like the image on the left. Looks challenging, right? It is (at least for me) We practiced it with hips pressed against the wall to demonstrate proper alignment. I have seen way too many people thrust themselves back into the pose without taking care of their backs (myself included)...it's important to protect ourselves by taking proper precautions in more challenging poses. It reminds us to be humble, kind and push only to the edge we feel comfortable with. I enjoy my new students at SS and feel connected to the studio already. Hoping to continue building my classes and eventually leading a workshop here! Feel free to visit my website for my class schedule and updates: www.thisisyouryoga.com